choices

hi. i’m baaacccccckkkkk!!! yeesh… it took long enough! i totally did NOT blog everyday this summer. sorry I suck, but I am back and devoted. my brain is too full of other crap not to write some of my thoughts down….

speaking of which, lately i’ve been thinking a lot about choices. 

the term “choice” entails so many things that make us who we are, but I feel like ‘who we are’ is an amorphous topic. I guess then, I’m specifically speaking of distinct choices we make in life that we sometimes look back on and think, “what if”?

not that I regret any choice I’ve ever made, but there are just some moments in my life that, even at 23, I can look back on and wonder if I made the right decision…

ex:should I have gone to that school?should I have said yes to him?did I really pick the right major?why did I confess my undying love that night?is medicine my dream?did I decide that at the right time?do I want to be back in OK?do I really still not want to be friends with her?etc?etc?etc?etc?

i have a long long list of things that i randomly think about [these thoughts tend to pop up at seriously random moments, like while i’m in class..?] and question if whether the decision i made was the right one? None of the scenarios I find myself thinking about are really all that dramatic, and certainly none have actually altered my life in any significant way, but I do wonder what my life would be like if I had chosen  differently…?

oh well, I can’t change any of it now, and trying to do so will only exhaust me.

SO, enough of the “what if”, i am now going to focus on the “what will be”, and in the next few days/weeks I’m going to be making a ‘vision board’ {which is something I’m still not totally sure what to do with, but I am making one nonetheless}.

 i’ll likely put it, or some version of it, on pinterest (my newest obsession), but I may also cut out magazine pictures – go really old school – and have one hanging in my room. I need something to KICK me out of the super weird funk I’ve been in, and I’m hoping a Vision Board will give me something positive and fun to focus on!!

love. and it is damn good to be back doing this.

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bad blogger

I promised that I would blog everyday this summer.

I lied.
Okay well it wasn’t exactly a lie, more like a strong statement made that I didn’t hold myself to. Oops!

but I have good material talk about, my life has been busy – in a totally good super relaxing way! (my mom is even in town visiting which I’m so happy about bc my mom is my favorite!)

Oh and today is recital day!!! I’m just a crazy tapping machine today! It is glorious.
(I’ll upload pictures and a super duper rundown soon!!)

Lots O love from (student)Dr. N, tap dancing extraordinaire!!!

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“Pottawatomie County”

bad weather can upset me worse than almost anything.

and, apparently today has the perfect conditions for severe storms (read: tornados)

I am petrified.

let’s just hope that these storms don’t do anything terrible. the situation in Joplin is bad enough, I honestly do not think the midwest can handle anymore devestation.

pray for ONLY rain.

but, on a happy note, the Gary England drinking game might be the most hilarious thing ever invented.

http://www.okstorms.com/chasing/other_weather/drinking_game.htm

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everyday

I know that I said I was going to blog everyday this summer, and, I AM, I just needed to maybe better define the parameters of my summer!

Summer for me started today, Monday, May 23. That is because today, I finally felt like I was in summer. I realized that I don’t have any responsibilities or pressure. It is a nice feeling. and I’m really looking forward to my summer.

It seems to be shaping up quite nicely.

and for that, I couldn’t be more grateful!

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the things i read

I once read that by the time you are 16, you will have met the person you are to marry.

I’m just going to go ahead and call BULLSH*T. there is absolutely no way that by the time I was 16 I had met the ‘man’ I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

(I honestly think this statistic was created in the time before cars existed…)

(and when people were actually getting married by the age of 16)

[though, I will throw out the idea that maybe prior to the last ten years that stat would undeniably have been considered false, but in today’s more interconnected global world, it could arguably be easier to meet that special someone?]

I’m just not really sure if our super connected lives have made it easier to find new and different people, or if the game is still the same? Are you still going to meet “the someone” in your web – the web being your environment, your town, your career, your friends, your space, a place where you could run into “the person” on the street – or will you totally step out of your web and meet someone some other way, like on a dating website?

in pursuit of this line of thought, and because I was bored and had drunk a bottle of wine, I recently joined an online dating website.

*GASP!*

shock and awe.

I know, I know. I’m a little surprised I did it too. But come ON. It’s not like it is all that strange, PLUS I don’t take it seriously. (which leads me to the next point…)

Online dating is weird. and scary. and it seems a little fake.

Granted, the falseness comes naturally with the dating game, but somehow online it just seems a little easier to hide. Or maybe I’m too old-fashioned. OR maybe I just joined the cheapest creepiest dating site ever. OKCupid.com — Don’t Do It. I’m warning you now.

SO after 2 days in the search for love, 2 awkward messages, and one random chat, I’ve decided to abandon my search for love online…. I just think I should meet my future husband in person….

{call me crazy, but I want the quintessential ‘meetcute’. cliché, I know.}

.

note: the above post didn’t really resolve well. I’m not sure I had a point I was trying to get to… the idea sort of arose from seeing a movie with an adorable interaction, then deciding I wanted that. oh, and from the need to divulge my deep dark online dating secret. the end. (again, no resolution. my writing profs would loathe this.)

.

anyway, here are some of my big future plans: enjoy the summer. buy a big girl camera. blog everyday (I’m really really really looking forward to having time to devote to this!). get a tan. sleep. watch loads of trash TV. sleep some more.

OH! and on the list of upcoming blog topics: 1. completed year 1 of med school. I shall share the delight and frustration. (really I just wanna brag) 2. MY SUPER COOL NEW APARTMENT! [i have all kinds of good stuff to share AND i want to document the decorating and tell the story of how my new apt came to be.] 3. movies. I’m a movie lover, always have been, always will be. I feel like I should share that with the world. 4. random trivia Wednesdays. I have a ton of random crap in my head that I think should be put into your head. welcome to your new Wednesday fun.

get excited! you’ll be seeing much more of me sooon!

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Candy Brain Food

I. Hate. Finals.

But I do love Skittles.

Once when I was in elementary school, maybe in 3rd or 4th grade, I was sitting after school doing homework and this nice teacher I had never had and didn’t really know gave me a fun sized pack of original skittles. “it’s brain food,” she said.

20110511-123359.jpg

Brain Food. I’m going to need LOTS of that this week.

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my nonexistent wedding

I am not getting married. Well, at least not anytime in the near future. But I do want to get married! and I want it to be a beautiful affair full of fun and friends and family and love.

Due to my irresponsible and borderline shallow love for all things J.Crew, I have decided that myself, the groom, and the wedding party, will all be dressed in J.Crew.

Some examples of my ideas:

*Note: all of the colors are NOT the colors I would choose (aside from the black and white), these were just the best pictures I could find!

For the Groom and Groomsmen:

(I love love love a classic well tailored Tux. I live for a well tailored suit. mmm…)

For the Bridesmaids:

(I’ve always had the idea for my bridesmaids to be wearing the SAME color dresses, but in different styles, because everyone is different sizes and everything looks different on different people.)

For the Flower Girl/Ring Bearer/Misc. Other participants:

(adorable. omg.)

For ME!

I’ll have more than one dress (not for the ceremony, but for the process as a whole) Ridiculous? maybe. but, it IS my wedding day, so…

Rehearsal Dinner Dress:

(this dress needs to be fun and functional, I’m going to be mingling and eating and just enjoying life. I do NOT want to be worried about fidgeting with a dress!)

THE GOWN:

(swoon. Of course, the dress is negotiable, it could change, my tastes could change, I could find something about a million times better, but I love the simplicity and elegance of this dress. OMG. I want it NOW. umm and can we talk about the shoes…. Satin Manolo’s?! yes please. and pearls, always a classic.)

Reception Dress:

(follows the idea of the Dress, but way more manageable for DANCING!!!! I’ve gotta have fun and be able to move at the reception!)

Tradition:

(something blue… i die.)

ahh… I want to plan my wedding immediately!

now, I’ve just got to find the groom…….

Posted in boredom, dating, life, shoes, shopping | 1 Comment

paint

I used to sit at my dads house, in his computer room and play on paint for hours. I have a whole folder of images, weird little pictures I created, still saved on that computer.

I miss those days. I miss that girl. I miss a lot of things lately.

mostly, I miss hugs. I really want someone to hug me, in a genuine, caring, they want their arms around me, type of hug.

I think, maybe then, I wouldn’t miss everything so much….?

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growing up

…is hard to do.

I do NOT want to grow up. Though I seriously admire those around me that 1. are grown up 2. have recently taken strides to grow up and 3. are probably not grown up but sure do seem like they are.

This really has no relation to, oh umm anything, it was just a thought I had today while sitting in my stupid study carrel at stupid school trying to make myself study stupid cardiophys, which btw, is STUPID.

…enough stupids? [case in point why I am NOT grown up… duh]

Anyway, My dearest friend Haley (check out her blog, I don’t know how to do the neat little linky thing [she’ll have to show me] at doforyou.wordpress.com) went and bought a car over SB and then I was thinking about how she has insurance for it that she pays all on her own, and she’s going to have a house, and really, HOW DOES ONE BECOME A FUNCTIONING GROWN UP?!!?! All of the grown ups that do it (function that is), seem to have it under control, but it’s beyond me. totally and completely BEYOND me.

Oh well, I guess one day I will eventually figure it out. Maybe around the time I’m a forty-year old cat lady. (which I told my roommate I was going to become when talking about registering for wedding gifts [and how I won’t ever do that so I just keep buying everything I would register for] and his response was, “no you’ll be a young cool dog girl.” bahahaha. Oh thanks Patty, you sure know how to make a gal feel better! hahah)

p.s. someone buy me this… PLEASE.

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monopoly

Growing up, I used to LOVE to play monopoly with my dad. We used to play these epic games during the summer, and of course, he always beat me. I could just never grasp the intricacies of purchasing property and buying hotels, I always just wanted to collect the money. The typical extent of my game play involved me landing on Park Place, buying it, and just sitting and rolling in the dough.

Since coming to Medical School, I’ve had a totally opposite approach to having/spending money. Instead of just keeping it all safely tucked away in my bank account, I’ve used it to make myself feel better, be it a nice new skirt, or going out to dinner with my friends and ordering anything I want [hello 20lbs], I haven’t been worried about the balance in my checking account. {and there is the added responsibilities of Bills. This is literally the first time in my life I’ve had to pay for rent, my own gas, my cell phone, insurance, etc.}

Us Medical Students like to refer to our loan money as ‘Monopoly Money’. And, in a way, it is. It’s essentially fake money that was GIVEN to use to live off of for a year. We all know we are going to have to pay it back, but since it’ll be in anywhere from 8-10 years, most of us don’t think about it. We just borrow, spend, and don’t think. [and honestly, with the stress/pressure/brain fatigue that comes with MedSchool, the LAST thing we need to think about is money]

So I sit here, slowing digging my debt grave, trying to figure out how finagle some more money for this summer. I need to pay my bills, but I also need to be able to have some fun, travel a little, ENJOY myself. Tomorrow, when I go turn in these budget requests, I am NOT going to feel guilty. I am going to just tell myself that it is OKAY. Everything going to be fine. AND, in 8 years, when I have to pay this back, I’m just going to pray that there are either awesome hospitals that want to hire me badly enough that they’ll pay my loans off for me, OR I’ll just go sell my soul to the community health system for 7years and have them pay it off for me. (which doesn’t sound like a bad idea at all….)

Medical School is torture enough, I shouldn’t be worried about pinching pennies.

Right?!

Posted in diet, life, medical school, obsessive compulsions., shopping | 1 Comment