delivering babies via Durant,OK

Since November 1st, I have been living in Durant, OK. today, I wanted to drive away and never come back…
For the last three months, I have been on my CORE rotations at MCSO, this little hospital in town – better known for it’s appearance on 60 minutes. I spent the first month on Internal Medicine, the second month on ICU, and this month I am on the OB service. I love OB. really, I like the GYN surgeries best, but I think maybe, just maybe, I could do OB for the rest of my life? (I’m stupidly still one of those medical students undecided on her future career.) anyway today has just been the pits….my attending’s main goal in life is to ruin my day [well, that’s the way he makes me feel] and today he succeeded. okay so its not like he is the only thing controlling the outcome of my day, but there are other things going on that are occupying my thoughts/emotions/time/give-a-shit. and for some reason all of the stuff just piled up right on top of each other right at the same time and I wanted was to go home (to my apt in Tulsa) and get in my bed and stay there for about three days. {I know, I know, running from your issues solves nothing, but I’m exhausted and I just don’t have it in me to ‘deal’ right now}

whatever, all of that is immaterial in comparison to what happened about 35 minutes after I was deep in my pity party wallow. we had a delivery. it was amazing.

here’s the story: one of the other OBGYN’s on staff is amazing and has let me deliver most of his patients’ babies this month. We had this adorable young couple in for the delivery of their second child, a baby girl. I don’t really have the whole back story, but with the first delivery, the Doctor let dad deliver baby. This Doc has been working for 35 years and is super encouraging with dads that are interested in being active participants in the delivery of their children. However, on this particular delivery, not only was I delivering the baby, I was to be instructing dad on how to deliver. “If you can teach dad how to do this, then you’re an expert” said the Doctor in his thick Spanish accent. I was more than a little terrified, to say the least… but let me tell you, it was amazing. Mom was a champ, and after about three pushes, there was the head: all dark hair and fresh potential. Dad was beside me, fully gowned and gloved, I was gowned and gloved, and standing at the head of the bed was Doctor hollering, “support his hands!!!” So Dad, with my hands under his, delivered his daughter, and it was miraculous. I’ve never felt so much joy in one single room. Dad (with my hands still under his) laid baby on Mom’s chest and they both just stared. The looks of awe and love on their faces, tears welling in Daddy’s eyes, the biggest happiest smile on Mom’s face, witnessing that moment, it was absolutely indescribable….

needless to say, OB may be my calling, just as long as every delivery is always that easy, exciting, and joyful! (one can hope, right!?)

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inane laughter

more often than not lately, I’ll be doing something particularly strange/hilarious and I will bust out into maniacal laughter relishing in my goofball ways. and for some reason, it is in those moments that I always feel the loneliest.

I always think, “goodness if someone could see me, they’d think I was a freak!” and then as I giggle over that though, I get just a little bit sad that no one actually is here.

…and then I think, “jeez, no one should see the weird stuff I do all the time,” and I continue on with my life or task and whatever it was I was doing before I decided to act a fool’

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kick in the heart

sometimes I like to emotionally mistreat myself, and while the article I’m linking to doesn’t really hurt, it makes me feel things in a way I don’t usually feel… and I love it.

the article that makes me feel.

I love this article, I love the man that wrote it, I love how much he feels and the way that he expresses it. everything about this is beautiful and heartwrenching and so many things I can’t even begin to express.

fave quote, “On the way, my oldest kid kept demanding I change the radio station to whatever station was playing “Stronger” by Kelly Clarkson. I hate you, Kelly Clarkson.” it perfectly sums up his on-edge-i’m-going-to-stab-everyone-i-hate-ALL-the-things emotional state, and it’s so raw. While I’ve never experienced anything like what he went through, in that moment, with that statement, I completely and totally understand what he is feeling. and it makes my heart just react.

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apothic white


mom: not real sweet but smooth, citrusy. hints of vanilla. good. definitely drink it again. not a dry wine by any means, so of course I love it.
me: sweet. really sweet. smells like some sort of candy. i like it, but am not in absolute love. though it is growing on me as i sip.

according to the bottle, apothic white is a mix of chardonnay, riesling, and moscato.
….TaRynn would love this.

Posted in family, random thoughts | 1 Comment


“i love you much(most beautiful darling)
more than anyone on the earth and i
like you better than everything in the sky.”

— e.e. cummings (knew what he was doing, amirite?)

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nsfw, or why the differences between men and women are so attractive.

i’m a pretty regular follower of all things twitter; in fact, i actually like my twitter more than my facebook+all other social media combined. one of the people who i follow, a lady whom is like me, in that she is similarly minded in her pro-women, pro-freedom type of thinking posted a link to her tumblr, which had a link to this photo:

take a moment. look again. [granted, when you first encounter the photo, you pretty much just see ass.] but if you take a moment and really really look at it, you see that there is so so much more going on.

this photo definitely has a hint of sexuality to it, and you could even argue that the sexual nature of the photo is its main intent. however, that’s not what i get from it. if you look past the naked bootie, and look at the man in the photo, while he is shirtless, he’s wearing pants. and he’s not grabbing her ass in a proprietary dominant sort of way – don’t get me wrong, he is definitely groping her – but the way he does it, its like he’s in awe of her body, and that, his awe, is why i find this photo so enthralling.

maybe there is a hint of envy in me –  i mean, i sure wish someone was grabbing me like that – but also there is a sense of awareness i get from the photo. in looking at the details of the photo, seeing the male arm with its hair and sinew and just everything that is manly, it makes me really get why i am so attracted to men. they’re just so different from me, from everything that i, as a strong independent female who knows and appreciates her body, am familiar with. and i’m fucking obsessed with it. i love how strong and excited he looks in this photo, holding onto her body, almost like he is thankful he gets to touch something so perfect (which he should be).

this photo, whether you find it grotesque, trashy, erotic, or beautiful, is everything that is perfect and right between the differences in men and women. and i’m damn thankful for it.

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saucy (salsa)


I’m back and I’m taking a page from this girl and am going to start adding random recipes/kitchen happenings to my bloggittyblog.

anyway, I found this recipe on pinterest (the best thing to EVER happen to the world) and have been itching to make it! SO, during a study break this afternoon, I finally made it!

here is my variation of the cast of characters:

(as you can tell, I decided to take pictures AFTER, so some of the stuff has already been used. oops!)

Since I HATE HATE HATE anything spicy, I decided to use MILD rotel, and NO jalapeno, UNlike the recipe stated (though the photo would prove otherwise on the jalapeno issue, I’ll explain that in a minute). Also, I didn’t want to buy fresh cilantro, so I used dried, and I think it tastes just the same! Plus, I didn’t have to worry about it spoiling! Oh, and the minced-for-me Garlic – the stuff in the large green jar – is the greatest thing EVER! I always have some in my fridge/pantry, it’s invaluable!

I threw everything (MINUS the jalapeno) into my lovely blender, and turned that puppy on! Voila! delicious restaurant style salsa:

I filled one jar with about half of the total amount of salsa that was in the blender, and labeled the top with MILD.

Then, I threw in a jalapeno that I’d only cut the top off of because I wanted to keep the seeds/spines to really spice up the left over salsa (oh, and because I’m terrified of getting jalapeno in my eye, so I wanted to avoid touching it)! I turned the blender back on again, and voila!

I am going to give the jar labeled SPICY to this lovely lady, so her tastebuds can burn!

anyway, ENJOY!

Posted in cooking | 2 Comments